Monday, January 24, 2011

Time to Grow Up

(Part 4 of my Bangkok Series)

People spend a lot of money on quacks that hypnotize them and make them "regress" into a previous life. Parents regressing till the point they act like kids, however, comes for free.
You know that part where you are not supposed to talk to strangers? At least this time it wasn't a hot girl. And of course my mom can't help but ask the adult equivalent of "Are we there yet?", which is "Are we there yet?". My uncle, who has travelled the world and is quite well read, decides to be profound. He sums up his deep thought with "It feels like we are not in India".
There is nothing funnier than watching a set of Indians on a train, in a foreign country, trying to blend in. We make fun of tourists going clickety click but trust me, tourists trying to be you and me are funnier. Especially when after 10 minutes of sitting quietly my mom asks me if I can remove the sky train map and make sure I know where we are going, and then repeats the question at every stop. My Dad meantime is sitting quite quiet and bored and my uncle has gone to sleep standing up. I am left with the job of herding these sheep to a mall that I did not want to go to in the first place.
Fast Forward: Reach the mall, it hasn't been blown up, set a meeting point and time, go your own way. The first thing I did was leave the mall and roam the streets. 2 hours of roaming, eating street food, talking to strangers (I'm allowed to since I am a grown up) and getting wet in unseasonal rain later I get back to the mall with a half hour to spare which was spent running around the food court like a little child.
I meet up with my parents and they then prove to me that I am the new adult in the family. Family function in the evening and my parents want to go see a play. Guess who needs to represent the family and prove that we have not come to Bangkok for just a vacation.
"So Mom, why do I have to go?"
"Son, someone needs to represent the family"
"Why aren't you guys coming?"
"Uhh..its on a river boat, and I will feel sea sick"
"We were on a cruise ship to Alaska for a week and it did not affect you"
"That was a bigger boat,.. size matters"



(Continued in Part 5, Cruising Along)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

What it means to be in Bangkok

(Part 3 of my Bangkok Series)

I did not mean to spray my cousin with pineapple juice. I did not mean to be the second child to do so in 2 minutes. I had praised her for her patience when her daughter gurgled up some baby formula on her. She smiled and told me that I was in fact the first baby she had taken care off. And then I spluttered juice over her.
I honestly did not mean to, but fate conspired against me. Two of my aunts passed by behind my chair at that very instant. I dared not look and see which two, but I think I recognized the one who said "I have to try one of those famous massages. My husband keeps raving about them to his friends and gets one every time he comes here for a business trip".
How can you travel to a place without reading up on it first? Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Bangkok. This is Thailand. When I told my friends about my forthcoming trip, they prayed that I would not be raped by a lady-boy. This is the whore-house of the world, and whoever is not selling themselves for money, is trying to swindle it from you.
Fast forward: Breakfast is good, Mom stole my orange juice so I stole her hashbrowns, the hotel has a shortage of spoons, two plates go flying through the air due to people tripping ,every foreigner is wondering if the circus has decided to stay at the Hilton, and its now time to retire to the rooms for a few minutes.
Did I mention I was sharing a room with my cousin with the baby? Thats what I thought. Did I mention that since most of my cousins arrived the previous night, and since my bed was free, it had become a dumping ground? I guess I did not. On a side note, a bag of diapers (unused) makes a pretty comfy pillow.
Its time for a short geography lesson. Bangkok has a river on the east side of it. Hotels along its banks have little boats on which you can cross the river. End of Geography lesson.
Post a nap and lunch (where they still did not have enough spoons) we decide to go shopping. An uncle decides to tag along quite grumpily (he wanted to get a second massage since morning 0_o ). Short boat ride, short walk to the sky train and we almost get swindled.
A woman manages to convince my parents that not only is she a hotel employee, the mall we were going to had been subjected to a terrorist attack. It is moments like these that I really hope I was adopted.
"Dad, I cant believe I had to drag you away from that woman's scheme". "Son, how was I supposed to know". "Dad, this is Bangkok, you shouldnt talk to strangers". "But Son, didnt she seem like a nice person?" "No Dad, all she was... was HOT".

(Contd. in Part 4 Time to grow up)