When I heard that my old twitter friend @eclectivV had decided to turn in his application for the the Miss India contest, I initially looked at the calendar and breathed a sigh of relief. Whilst just around the corner, we still had a few months for 2012.
However, it did leave me with many questions and I am sure you have them in your mind too. Thus I scheduled an interview with the weird one, which I hope shall shed some light on this turn of events.
We tabled it for 4 o'clock last evening and I was surprised to see him on time. However, he wasted no time in displaying the newfound diva inside him.
Me: Hello Eclectic.
Him: Well hello there.
Me: Thank you for this interview Eclectic. And wow, looks like we will start on time, exactly at 4 PM.
Him: My clock says 3:54. LOL.
Me: I know, its fantastic that you are on time. Can I offer you some refreshments? Tea, coffee maybe?
Him: I've got coupons for CCD, why don't you run out and get me sandwich, eh?
Me: Uhh, the closest CCD is 15 minutes away. We have biscuits here. And we can get this over with quick.
Him: I think I'll go out to get a sandwich, that 4PM interview posting thing was just a rough estimate, I'm sure you all can wait while I return.
(At which point of time he strutted out of the room. I waited there for a long time. I wonder how people who do this for a living put up with this everyday?. Anyway, he returned after a couple of hours.)
Me: Well, that took a bit longer than I expected. It shouldn't have taken you more than an hour. Where did you go? What were you doing?
Him: At Big Bazaar, buying crap.
Me: (Deciding to continue the interview before I decide to murder him) So what made you decide to participate in a beauty contest?
Him:I had a dream, I don't remember it, but I do remember that it didn't feel good.
Me: But why would you decide to do something that does not feel good?
Him: Hurt is an addiction too, a very strong one.
Me: But wouldn't it be better to do something that you are good at? Something more rewarding?
Him: Man, I don't have time to pursue rewarding things in life.
Me: Has no one tried to talk you out of it? Explain to you that you cannot possibly succeed in this venture?
Him: Advice by normal, well meaning, intelligent people never worked for me then, and so I don't plan on picking it up now either.
Me: Don't you think that some people might find it weird that you are entering the Miss India contest?
Him: Fuck judgmental people.
Me: Yes... its good that you are steadfast, but the world thinks you should give them an explanation.
Him: No, I won't. Fuck you.
Me: Fine, at least explain your thoughts on how you are going to pull off the swimsuit competition. What do you think of the sight of you walking down that ramp in a bikini?
Him: It's a bit hot.
Me: (Regretting I had ever brought up this topic) You have no apprehensions of whether you will fit into it? Don't you think you are a bit bulky for ....
Him: Well, at least my skeletal muscle mass is just right.
Me: So I hear you did not like your old job. Was this part of the reason you decided to become a diva.. sorry a beauty queen?
Him: Just when I was onto something groundbreaking, on the brink of spearheading an epic revolution, they saddled me with mundane work.
Me: And what was this epic revolution that you would have brought about?
Him: Just accept me as your intergalactic emperor already you all, you all futilely wither and slither in vain.
Me: Ummm.... We dont need an intergalactic emperor.
Him: Oh you egoists, there's no cure for your problems.
Me: So since you could not become the intergalactic emperor, you decided to try for miss world?
Him: In the end, we just want to be made to feel special in one way or another. That's what it's ALL about.
Me: Thats... fantastic....
Him:I like it when we all agree that I am spectacular.
Me: Uhh... so are there any people who have inspired you during your life?
Him: I can bring myself to hate anything or anyone if I try even a little, same can't be said for admiration.
Me: Do you think it is your destiny to become Miss India?
Him: Out of all the questions that I ask myself, the one I give most merit to is "Why, why was I born?" Sure it's rhetorical, but whatever.
Me: That doesn't really answer my question....
Him: Look at you all go, it's like you believe that someone gives a shit about what you think or have to say.
Me: What do you think of your competition? Everyone says Poonam is the hot favourite to win, she claims to be the most downloaded model on the internet.
Him: "Most downloaded model on the Internet," my ass, no really, I mean it, more pictures of my ass have been downloaded than Poonam's face.
Me: Are you going to don a stage name for your act? I doubt your current name will do....
Him: Esther is the most beautiful name, ever.
Me: Why did you not try for something more conventional, like the ..I dont know.. MISTER India competition?
Him: Men have to work hard, display loyalty, withhold trust & prove their worth to get somewhere in life. Women just have to show some cleavage.
Me: Dont you think that is a bit sexist?
Him: Call me old fashioned, but I thinks husbands should do the cooking & earning business, and wives should tie their ties and be appreciative.
Me: Uhh... and whatever happens after the competition, what do you see yourself doing in the future?
Him: I think I'll make a rather good wife.
Me: Any advice for future aspirats....One hopes they won't turn to you, but in case they do?
Him:When in doubt, hide the coke, kill the hookers and pretend to watch TV.
Me: And on that note I think we should end this interview.... lets not take this any further......
Him: I've always had a feeling that most people will not like the end, whatever it may be.
****************************************************************************
Thank you @EclecticV for being a sport and letting me put this up. All these comments are tweets that he has posted since the beginning of April 2011 (Links provided, at least until he decides to delete those tweets).
However, it did leave me with many questions and I am sure you have them in your mind too. Thus I scheduled an interview with the weird one, which I hope shall shed some light on this turn of events.
We tabled it for 4 o'clock last evening and I was surprised to see him on time. However, he wasted no time in displaying the newfound diva inside him.
Me: Hello Eclectic.
Him: Well hello there.
Me: Thank you for this interview Eclectic. And wow, looks like we will start on time, exactly at 4 PM.
Him: My clock says 3:54. LOL.
Me: I know, its fantastic that you are on time. Can I offer you some refreshments? Tea, coffee maybe?
Him: I've got coupons for CCD, why don't you run out and get me sandwich, eh?
Me: Uhh, the closest CCD is 15 minutes away. We have biscuits here. And we can get this over with quick.
Him: I think I'll go out to get a sandwich, that 4PM interview posting thing was just a rough estimate, I'm sure you all can wait while I return.
(At which point of time he strutted out of the room. I waited there for a long time. I wonder how people who do this for a living put up with this everyday?. Anyway, he returned after a couple of hours.)
Me: Well, that took a bit longer than I expected. It shouldn't have taken you more than an hour. Where did you go? What were you doing?
Him: At Big Bazaar, buying crap.
Me: (Deciding to continue the interview before I decide to murder him) So what made you decide to participate in a beauty contest?
Him:I had a dream, I don't remember it, but I do remember that it didn't feel good.
Me: But why would you decide to do something that does not feel good?
Him: Hurt is an addiction too, a very strong one.
Me: But wouldn't it be better to do something that you are good at? Something more rewarding?
Him: Man, I don't have time to pursue rewarding things in life.
Me: Has no one tried to talk you out of it? Explain to you that you cannot possibly succeed in this venture?
Him: Advice by normal, well meaning, intelligent people never worked for me then, and so I don't plan on picking it up now either.
Me: Don't you think that some people might find it weird that you are entering the Miss India contest?
Him: Fuck judgmental people.
Me: Yes... its good that you are steadfast, but the world thinks you should give them an explanation.
Him: No, I won't. Fuck you.
Me: Fine, at least explain your thoughts on how you are going to pull off the swimsuit competition. What do you think of the sight of you walking down that ramp in a bikini?
Him: It's a bit hot.
Me: (Regretting I had ever brought up this topic) You have no apprehensions of whether you will fit into it? Don't you think you are a bit bulky for ....
Him: Well, at least my skeletal muscle mass is just right.
Me: So I hear you did not like your old job. Was this part of the reason you decided to become a diva.. sorry a beauty queen?
Him: Just when I was onto something groundbreaking, on the brink of spearheading an epic revolution, they saddled me with mundane work.
Me: And what was this epic revolution that you would have brought about?
Him: Just accept me as your intergalactic emperor already you all, you all futilely wither and slither in vain.
Me: Ummm.... We dont need an intergalactic emperor.
Him: Oh you egoists, there's no cure for your problems.
Me: So since you could not become the intergalactic emperor, you decided to try for miss world?
Him: In the end, we just want to be made to feel special in one way or another. That's what it's ALL about.
Me: Thats... fantastic....
Him:I like it when we all agree that I am spectacular.
Me: Uhh... so are there any people who have inspired you during your life?
Him: I can bring myself to hate anything or anyone if I try even a little, same can't be said for admiration.
Me: Do you think it is your destiny to become Miss India?
Him: Out of all the questions that I ask myself, the one I give most merit to is "Why, why was I born?" Sure it's rhetorical, but whatever.
Me: That doesn't really answer my question....
Him: Look at you all go, it's like you believe that someone gives a shit about what you think or have to say.
Me: What do you think of your competition? Everyone says Poonam is the hot favourite to win, she claims to be the most downloaded model on the internet.
Him: "Most downloaded model on the Internet," my ass, no really, I mean it, more pictures of my ass have been downloaded than Poonam's face.
Me: Are you going to don a stage name for your act? I doubt your current name will do....
Him: Esther is the most beautiful name, ever.
Me: Why did you not try for something more conventional, like the ..I dont know.. MISTER India competition?
Him: Men have to work hard, display loyalty, withhold trust & prove their worth to get somewhere in life. Women just have to show some cleavage.
Me: Dont you think that is a bit sexist?
Him: Call me old fashioned, but I thinks husbands should do the cooking & earning business, and wives should tie their ties and be appreciative.
Me: Uhh... and whatever happens after the competition, what do you see yourself doing in the future?
Him: I think I'll make a rather good wife.
Me: Any advice for future aspirats....One hopes they won't turn to you, but in case they do?
Him:When in doubt, hide the coke, kill the hookers and pretend to watch TV.
Me: And on that note I think we should end this interview.... lets not take this any further......
Him: I've always had a feeling that most people will not like the end, whatever it may be.
****************************************************************************
Thank you @EclecticV for being a sport and letting me put this up. All these comments are tweets that he has posted since the beginning of April 2011 (Links provided, at least until he decides to delete those tweets).
