What it means to be in Bangkok

(Part 3 of my Bangkok Series)

I did not mean to spray my cousin with pineapple juice. I did not mean to be the second child to do so in 2 minutes. I had praised her for her patience when her daughter gurgled up some baby formula on her. She smiled and told me that I was in fact the first baby she had taken care off. And then I spluttered juice over her.
I honestly did not mean to, but fate conspired against me. Two of my aunts passed by behind my chair at that very instant. I dared not look and see which two, but I think I recognized the one who said "I have to try one of those famous massages. My husband keeps raving about them to his friends and gets one every time he comes here for a business trip".
How can you travel to a place without reading up on it first? Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Bangkok. This is Thailand. When I told my friends about my forthcoming trip, they prayed that I would not be raped by a lady-boy. This is the whore-house of the world, and whoever is not selling themselves for money, is trying to swindle it from you.
Fast forward: Breakfast is good, Mom stole my orange juice so I stole her hashbrowns, the hotel has a shortage of spoons, two plates go flying through the air due to people tripping ,every foreigner is wondering if the circus has decided to stay at the Hilton, and its now time to retire to the rooms for a few minutes.
Did I mention I was sharing a room with my cousin with the baby? Thats what I thought. Did I mention that since most of my cousins arrived the previous night, and since my bed was free, it had become a dumping ground? I guess I did not. On a side note, a bag of diapers (unused) makes a pretty comfy pillow.
Its time for a short geography lesson. Bangkok has a river on the east side of it. Hotels along its banks have little boats on which you can cross the river. End of Geography lesson.
Post a nap and lunch (where they still did not have enough spoons) we decide to go shopping. An uncle decides to tag along quite grumpily (he wanted to get a second massage since morning 0_o ). Short boat ride, short walk to the sky train and we almost get swindled.
A woman manages to convince my parents that not only is she a hotel employee, the mall we were going to had been subjected to a terrorist attack. It is moments like these that I really hope I was adopted.
"Dad, I cant believe I had to drag you away from that woman's scheme". "Son, how was I supposed to know". "Dad, this is Bangkok, you shouldnt talk to strangers". "But Son, didnt she seem like a nice person?" "No Dad, all she was... was HOT".

(Contd. in Part 4 Time to grow up)